Modern medicine fails

As per my previous posts, Ali has been battling a horrible diaper rash pretty much since birth. We have gone to the doctor twice and were applying an anti-fungal cream as well a steroid ointment. The rash would clear up for a day and then come back worse than before. She was screaming anytime she had to poop and her bum was so red and raw that I hated having to wipe her clean as she would always cry.

Fed up and frustrated, I turned to the internet for other ideas. At this point I had tried changing diaper, wipes, all different kinds of diaper rash cream and left her naked for days on end... Nothing worked. The internet was filled with people battling the same thing but no one seemed to have the magic cure.

I had also noticed she had become quite acidic. Her stools had an odd odor to them. I decided to call the naturopath in town to see what they would suggest. Apparently the "acid" problem was in fact caused by anti-fungal creams. The very thing the doctor told me to use was causing a Dr worse issue.

The owner of the natural store in town gave me a sample of a cream called mayan magic and a tub of acidophilis yogurt. I was to rub the yogurt on her butt every diaper change throughout the day and then apply the mayan magic at night. She told me I'd see a change pretty much immediately.

I was skeptical but not in a position to argue so I tried it. The next morning, literally, her butt was about 75% better. I stuck with it and she had a normal looking bum by day 2. I didn't want to get to excited because we have had this false hope before, but now its been an entire week and she hasn't had one single trace of a rash. The acid in her poop is gone. She no longer screams when going to the bathroom or when I wipe her clean.

I am now a believer that maybe modern medicine isn't always the answer. I'll be sticking with this mayan magic cream for as long as she is in diapers and recommending it to anyone with a diaper rash problem!

Growing Girl!

Ali had her 2 month check-in with the doctor today. She weighed in at 11 lbs 1 oz and measured out to 23 inches long. That makes her in the 50th percentile for both, perfectly average.

It was also the day she got her first needles. She was less than impressed. With the first one, she let out a little cry, but the second one caused a much louder wail. I was able to pick her up immediately after and she stopped crying as quickly as she began. By the time I was buckling her into her car seat she was smiling at the funny faces I was making and by the time we hit the car she was fast asleep. What a trooper!

Mommy's second month

I have to admit that the first month had me kind of worried. I thought if she continued on eating every 2 hours at night that I was going to crumble out of sleep deprivation, but can happily report that now that she has a fairly predictable schedule, the transition into motherhood has become much easier. Halfway through this past month Ali began sleeping for 4-5 hour stretches at night, which meant my 3 hours of sleep total for the night went up to about 6 hours. What a difference it makes! I finally was about to feel like a person again instead of a walking zombie. They say a new mother loses 800 hours of sleep over the course of a year and I believe it. Gone are the days of sleeping for 12 hours, but its surprising how you just get used to functioning on less sleep.

This month was also much better for me because the pain from the delivery had subsided and Ali and I worked hard at perfecting our breast feeding technique, so now its second nature. There's no more worrying that she isn't latching correctly, or that she isn't eating enough. She has clear cues for when she's hungry and clear cues for when she's full. Learning her cues has really helped prevent any spitting up from over filling her tummy and therefore saved me a lot of laundry!

The pregnancy hormones are starting to settle down, so the endless emotional ups and downs have begun to settle as well. The draw back to the drop in hormones is the hair loss and the acne. I had such amazing skin and hair while I was pregnant and I had my fingers crossed that it would stay that way, but about 2 weeks ago I noticed a few strands of hair clinging to my shirts and a few red bumps popping up along my jaw line. It should level out in a few weeks when the hormones reach a consistent level again.

The other major change I wasn't expecting was the bottomless pit otherwise known as my stomach. I barely wanted to eat while I was pregnant, but now that I'm breast feeding I am constantly hungry. I've chatted with a few other breast feeding moms and they said the same thing, that they eat far more now then when they were pregnant. I guess its natures way of making sure you have energy to keep producing enough milk.

I feel like everything in my life is starting to mesh well again. Because we have developed a good routine I feel I can manage my time much better now. I have plenty of time to spend with Ali and attend to her needs, as well as plenty of time to keep up on the household chores like laundry, dishes and making dinner every night. Given that she is asleep every night by 8pm, it also allows Rob and I to connect and enjoy each others company without worrying about the baby. Even Jake is reaping the benefits. He knows that as soon as Ali goes to bed its his turn for a good 45 min wrestle or tug of war or game of fetch.

All in all, the second month has been a blast. Ali has developed more personality and is interested in a range of toys and songs and best of all, walking into her room at 6am I know ill be greeted with an ear to ear smile and that makes getting up early totally worth it!

2 months old already!

Where did the time go? Its been 8 weeks since my little bundle of joy made her way into our lives and I can't believe how much she has changed already. She is a completely different baby than the helpless sleepy one I brought home from the hospital. She has personality now. She smiles, coos and gurgles, watches and takes swipes at hanging toys and loves to study the faces of people holding her. Every day it seems she develops some new skill or personality trait.

The first real smiles were a huge deal. As I previously posted it almost brought me to tears when I walked in the room and she recognized me and smiled at my presence. It made all those sleepless nights becomes a distant memory. Now, a few weeks from that very first smile, she smiles non-stop. Rob and I sing silly little songs to her and she smiles so much it basically lights up the room. Her current favourite is "Toe Knee Chest Nut" which is an action song and it never fails to make her smiles and even give a little giggle at the end.

Her vision has improved even further, along with her hearing. The other day we were visiting her grandparents and while grandpa was holding her I walked from one side of the room to the other while talking and she tracked me the entire way. She has definitely become some what of a mama's girl, which is to be expected since she is with me for the majority of the day.

Sleeping wise I feel we are pretty lucky. From early on, we created a bedtime routine with starts with a bath, then a story with daddy, and a last feed, then she gets placed in her crib to fall asleep at 7:30pm. I'm not of the "cry it out" method, so if she were to cry I would pick her up, calm her down, then place her back in her bed, but honestly that has never been an issue. At 7:30pm, when she is placed in her crib with her soother, she looks around for a few mins, or stares at her mobile and then falls asleep. No muss, no fuss. Occasionally she might spit out her soother before she's truly asleep and sqwirm around until I put it back in, but then falls right back asleep. Once she is out, the soother falls out and she stays asleep for a good 5-6 hours before she wakes to nurse. Then she eats, goes right back to sleep for another 4-5 hours. Its been nice to finally get some sleep myself. Those first few weeks I felt like I never caught a wink of sleep.

Due to how well she is sleeping at night, she is awake and alert for much longer periods of time during the day now. This has been great because we've been able to get out and enjoy the world. She has really taken a liking to going swimming and we try to get to nursery swim at the local pool once or twice a week. We've also joined a baby massage class on Tuesdays for the month of April and so far she loves the rub downs. They teach silly little songs to go along with the different body parts and she just smiles away whenever I sing them.

She has also grown much more than I expected. When I got her weighed at 6 weeks she had already gained 3 lbs and grown 2 inches. She has a very long torso, which has caused her to outgrow most of her newborn and 3 month onesies already. She's still in newborn and 0-3 pants because she has average length legs and a skinny waist, but is into 6 month shirts and sleepers to accommodate her torso length. She gets weighed in again this coming Wednesday and I can't wait to see how much more she has grown. She is definitely a healthy and happy girl.

Unfortunately we are still battling the yeast rash. She's been back to the doctor and we are continuing with the prescription creams but it still hasn't completely gone away. Now I am changing things in my diet to see if that helps her clear up. Its been over 7 weeks now and I am beyond frustrated with it. The doctor will be re-examining it at her appointment on Wednesday and hopefully he has some other solution.

Milestone wise, most recently she has decided she wants to try and sit up. She has had an extremely strong neck right from birth and has been holding her head up at my shoulder for weeks now. The other day when I had her leaning on the breast feeding pillow she just decided she was going to try and sit right up. She held it for a few seconds before laying back down and that caused Rob and I to look at each other and ask "what just happened". We thought we were months away from her sitting up, but she might just surprise us. She also has incredibly strong legs and constantly wants to stand up while we hold onto her waist or when we hold her against our body she uses whatever ledge she can find to push herself into a standing position. I really wouldn't be surprised if she skips crawling all together and goes straight to walking before we know it!

5 weeks old

6 weeks old

7 weeks old

8 weeks old

Diaper Rash Dilemma

For the past few weeks Ali has had a diaper rash that just wont quit. I have tried everything to get rid of it. From switching diaper brands, using different creams, powders, pastes, airing her bum out, not using wipes, just water to clean her, etc. The rash will look like it has cleared up and then the next day it comes right back. It has been incredibly frustrating for me and I'm sure plenty uncomfortable for her.

I was finally able to get her in to see her doctor and it turns out that she had a yeast diaper rash. Since Ali is a breast fed newborn, her bum constantly leaks. She is always going poop and because of that all the moisture on her skin it becomes a breeding ground for bacteria. The yeast that developed in this moisture is a fungus that thrives in warm wet places and it keeps regenerating, so that's why I couldn't get rid of it with normal diaper rash treatments. Luckily once it was determined that it was yeast, the treatment was fairly simple. The doctor gave me a prescription for an anti-fungal cream and another for corticosteroid cream which both get applied twice daily and expose her bum to air.

I wanted the rash gone sooner rather than later because it was causing her quite a bit of discomfort so I decided to let her go diaper-less for an entire day. The first night was fairly easy. I put a towel down in her crib and let her sleep with just a long sleeve t-shirt on. She doesn't go to the bathroom while she sleeps, so the only time i had to clean up messes was when she woke up to eat. The next day however, was not as simple.

She is staying awake and alert for several hours at a time now, and during these awake periods she likes to be quite active... kicking her feet, doing tummy time, trying to roll around.. I put towels on top of garbage bags on the floor and in her play pen to protect the surface, but allow for to do her business. I spent the entire day constantly wiping her bum to keep it dry and changing towel after towel. By 6pm the improvement in her rash was amazing. Her bum was finally looking less inflamed and on its way to looking normal.

I had remembered hearing about a diaper-less training for newborns during one of my prenatal classes. I hopped on the internet and googled away. Up popped "elimination communication". Its basically learning to read your baby's cues/patterns for when they need to go to the bathroom, then holding them in a squatting position over the toilet and letting them do their business. I watched a few you tube videos on how it was done and was intrigued, if only for the fact that I'd have less towels to wash.

I knew she always pees right after waking up and again right after nursing, so when she woke up from her nap, I picked her up, went into the bathroom, straddled the toilet and held her against me in a squatting position. Rob was laughing at me because I looked ridiculous. As were joking around about how this was never gonna work, low and behold she peed! I was so shocked and surprised that it actually worked!

I attempted this again every time she woke up throughout the night and it worked every single time. I didn't have to change one towel. This was so much easier than constantly cleaning up her and her messes.

Given that the rash was improving but still there, I left her diaper-less for another entire day. She managed to do every single pee in the toilet and even a few poops but they are much harder to time since she goes all the time all day long.

After 60 hours without a diaper, I can happily report that her rash has pretty much disappeared. I'll be continuing the creams for another 2 weeks just to make sure all the fungus has disappeared, but so far it looks good. We will still be using diapers but will be continuing the elimination communication method a few times a day, likely at night and after naps. Perhaps exposing her to the toilet now with make potty training that much easier down the road. Guess we'll wait and see!

She knows me!

I was going to wait to post this with her 2 month old blog but I just had to share.

This morning after Ali finished nursing, Rob was able to take her and play with her so that I could get some sleep. I managed to sleep for about 2.5 hours and when I got up, I walked in to see Ali, who was having her bum changed and she looked right at me and smiled the biggest smile she's ever had.

This may not seem like much to people who don't have kids yet, but this was the first time it was completely apparent that she knew who I was and was happy to see me. She recognized her "mommy"! After 5 weeks of sleepless nights and an endless amount of cuddles, to be rewarded with a bright eyed, heart warming smile made my day!

Mommy's first month

I know I mentioned it in my last blog post, but I really cant believe its been a month already. The days just fly by because I never really have a chance to sit down. Its been endlessly amazing, but also endlessly exhausting. I know it will be months before I get a good nights sleep again, so I'm slowly adjusting and trying to become a morning person (by far the most difficult part yet)

We had a reunion with our prenatal class participants this past Monday. It was pretty awesome to see everyone and their new babies. Our of the 7 couples, we ended up with 4 girls (Alison, Charlotte, Sunna, and Ada) and 3 boys (Simon, Wesley, and Owen). During the class we got to share our birth stories and I have to say, I feel like I got off pretty lucky. A few of the women ended up having difficult births. For instance, one woman was pushing for 4 hours, only to end up having to have a c-section because the baby just wouldn't drop. Another pushed for 3 hours and then the doctor had to do an episiotomy with forceps delivery. Sounds pretty horrific compared to my 30 minutes of pushing.

We also discussed post-birth adjustments. They mentioned the dreaded post-partum depression, and although no one seems to be experiencing it in a severe way, we've all had our moments of being completely overwhelmed. I totally understand why some women do get it. Its incredibly overwhelming and exhausting to have a newborn and you end up feeling like a failure half the time because you have no idea how to fix what's wrong with the baby sometimes. There really are moments where you feel like your not going to be able to do it anymore, where you need a break and where you just have to break down and shed a few tears, but those moments fade as quickly as they come. Hormones really are a bitch.

For me, because Ali isn't a crier, I haven't had the luxury of deciphering her cries. Most mothers get to know that their baby's high pitched cry means hunger and the low pitch means the baby needs a diaper change. For me, I basically have to go through the list and gradually rule out what's causing her fussiness. I always start with hunger because that's generally what she wants. Then move on to diaper, followed by just wanting to be held/cuddled, to checking her temperature (too hot/too cold).

She's generally pretty easy to settle, but the one that really stressed me out the first time was when she became over-tired. You end up going through your entire list of arsenal to get her to fall asleep (feeding/rocking/bouncing/bath/swinging/snugli/etc) and then just as you're about to rip your hair out in frustration, she passes out. Go figure!

Then once she passes out, you have to decide between eating, napping or showering because there won't be time to do all three. You gotta prioritize. How bad do I smell? How greasy is my hair? Can it wait until tomorrow so I can catch an hour of sleep? lol... Its kinda sad. Most days its 3pm before I realize I haven't made it out of my pajamas. The other day I managed to grab an hour and a half nap while she slept. Upon waking, since she was still sleeping, I thought I would press my luck and hop in the shower. Low and behold, the moment I grabbed the shampoo bottle, she woke up! Then it turns into a speed shower. If that were an Olympic event, I bet a new mother would win gold every time.

On another note, I'm not quite sure how people are unable to lose their pregnancy weight. I seriously don't have time to eat most days. I remember one of the first few days home I popped down a bagel into the toaster and 3 hours later when I walked back through the kitchen, I saw my sad lonely fully toasted bagel still sitting in the toaster waiting for me. I actually had to start writing down what I did manage to eat so I could make sure I was actually consuming something every day. I was pretty lucky to not gain that much weight to begin with, but by 2 weeks after delivery I was back to my pre-pregnancy weight and into my regular jeans again.

Everywhere I go as a new mother all I hear is "it gets easier" and I know its true. Its already much easier now at 4 weeks old than it was at 1 week old. The periods of sleep have gone from 2 hours long to 3 hours at a time. I've also started getting her on a routine at night (bath/quiet time/feeding/bed) which has really helped us both.

It really has been a life changing transition for me and I try to take it all in stride and with an excellent sense of humour. Between every moment of exhaustion and tears are hilarious stories I'll remember for the rest of my life.

Ali's First Month

I can't believe she is almost one month old already. It feels like it was just yesterday that we were in the hospital. Time really is flying by but I guess that tends to happen when one day blends into the next. With the lack of sleep there is no clear start or end to a day anymore. Parenting is a round the clock job and is has been a big adjustment. Its by far the hardest job I've ever had, yet absolutely the most rewarding.

I thought I would try and keep this blog going for awhile and share my thoughts as she grows. As you can already see the posts are much further apart. I just don't have the time or mental capacity currently (due to sleep deprivation) to be blogging every week, but since I really do enjoy writing, I will attempt to keep it updated as she reaches milestones.

Where to start... As I mentioned this first month has been a whirlwind. Everyone knows that the new baby is the boss and your life now revolves around her. It did take a few weeks to adjust to her schedule. The days of me sleeping in until noon are long gone and now I'm lucky to get 2 hours uninterrupted. Everyone and their neighbour mentioned the lack of sleep part while I was pregnant, but until you are confronted with it face to face, it really doesn't sink in.

Pretty consistently since birth Ali has wanted to eat every 2.5 hours. Since I'm breastfeeding, there really isn't any sharing of responsibility in that area. During the first 6 weeks its not advised to use bottles (if it can be avoided) because it can lead to nipple confusion and that can mean they will have a difficult time getting a proper latch when breastfeeding. I really enjoy nursing her. Its our quiet time together where I can talk to her, sing her songs and look into her eyes. No matter whats going on in our day, or who is over visiting her, I know that every 2.5 hours I get to have her all to myself. There have been times, particularly as 4am when I'm exhausted, that I really wish Rob had the ability to breast feed, but then I go pick her up, sit in the rocking chair and realize I wouldn't trade it for the world.

I consider myself very lucky. Ali is a very quiet baby and doesn't really ever cry. I think in the 4 weeks she has been here, I've heard her cry maybe 6 or 7 times and that's only when I really can't help her at that exact moment (ei, she becomes hungry while I'm driving down the highway) other than that she is very content to just look around and take in her surroundings. She is great with new people and noise doesn't bother her in the least. Just yesterday I was vacuuming her room while she was napping in her crib. The only noises she does seem to make are grumbles. She grumbles while eating, sleeping, stretching, and pooping. Its quite adorable to hear these deep rooted grumblings coming out of such a tiny being. The first few times she grumbled in her sleep we would leap out of bed expecting her to be waking up, but she just grumbled away and kept on dreaming. I will gladly listen to her grumble for the next year rather than have her crying or screaming.

Milestone wise, the only major things to happen in the past 4 weeks, were the losing of the umbilical cord and having her eyes focus on an object. With the umbilical cord the hospital told us it would take 10 days to 3 weeks for her to lose it. To our surprise, on her 4th day of life, I went to change her diaper and noticed her black nub dangling from her onesie. I was shocked that she lost it so early, and honestly a little concerned, but after talking to some other parents realized it was perfectly ok to lose it that early if it had dried up and fallen off on its own, which it had. I was quite excited to because it finally meant she could have a bath in a tub instead of just a sponge bath. She hated the sponge bath (I don't blame her), but once she was in the warm bathtub she enjoyed every minute of it. We sing songs while lathering up every body part and then rinsing off. I look forward to when she will be able to sit in the big tub and play with toys during her bath time routine.

As for her eyes, she was able to see just a few inches from her face when she was born but now she looks at me and locks eyes. She sees her mobile on her swing and looks around at everything while she's awake. It was fantastic the first time she looked "at" me instead of "towards" me. Completely warmed my heart to see my daughter looking into my eyes. Soon she will be accompanying those gazes with smiles and laughter and then I have a feeling I will do everything I can to make her laugh all the time.

I can't believe how quickly she has grown already. When we brought her home we had to go out and buy a few "newborn" outfits because all the clothing we had for her was far too big. Now there is a box beside her change table quickly filling up with outfits and hats that are too small. Its hard for a parent to see since I stare at her daily, but looking back in photos its clear to see she gotten significantly larger. When we left the hospital she had dropped to 7 lbs even, and now she is already up over 8 lbs.

I was also shocked at how much he face has changed already. The swelling from the delivery has gone down and her features have really developed. Of course the first thing anyone who sees her tries to do is figure out which parent she looks like, and so far consensus is that she looks a lot like Rob. She definitely has Rob's eye shape/socket and his chin, which are the most noticeable features, but has my eye colour, hair colour, ears and nose. It will be interesting to see how that changes as she ages. Personality wise she obviously isn't showing anything significant yet, but she sleeps/wakes up like her father, meaning when she falls asleep she is out like a light, and when she wakes up its a very gradual process, whereas I on the other hand, struggle to fall asleep but when its time to get up, I'm up bright eyed and ready to go. I really love watching her grow and develop and become her own little person!

2 Days old

4 days old

10 days old

16 days old

20 days old

Video made for Alison

Throughout the course of my pregnancy I pieced together pictures and thoughts into a video montage for Alison about her journey into this world. Hopefully one day she will be able to look at it and realize just how much she was loved before she even made her grand entrance into this world.

Post pregnancy pitfalls

Nobody ever tells you how much pain you will be in after you give birth. You hear all about how tired you will be because they baby doesn't sleep, and how you're life in general changes, but the mother is often over looked once the baby arrives. Its almost as though its a taboo topic, too personal, which is funny because giving birth is about as intimate as you can get.

I definitely wasn't prepared for stitches in my lady regions to be so sore that i'd rather stand all day then attempt to sit down. I walk at a pace that is so slow turtles could pass me and trying to get in and out of a vehicle has never been more difficult. At almost a week post delivery I can finally sit down in the bathtub without asking for help getting back up. I know its only a few more days before things get better down there but its been a difficult week.

Then there is the sore nipples. I now completely understand women who say breast feeding too difficult or try it and quit within a week or two. It is a challenge. Lucky for Ali I don't give up easy. I know the benefits of breastfeeding will far exceed the temporary discomfort I'm feeling and the every time it does indeed get a little easier. Its a learning curve for both Ali and I, but by next week I'm sure her and I will be pros.

The last pitfall I am experiencing I know not every woman does. Because my water broke more than 24 hours before I delivered Ali, they had to constantly pump me full of fluid to keep things hydrated. Little did I know (and no nurse ever mentioned it) my entire body would remain water logged for weeks. My feet, ankles, toes, calves, knees, and basically everything below my belly button is swollen to two or three times its original size. I have sausages for toes and my once tiny ankles are now referred to as the dreaded cankles. When Ali had her first doctor's appointment I asked my GP if there was anything I could do about it and he said "Nope. It'll go away eventually in a few weeks". I stared at him blankly just thinking "WEEKS"..... I tell ya, its a good thing I own a lot of flip flops because that's the only footwear that fits currently.

Aside from the few pitfalls that make the days slightly more difficult, being a mother is everything I hoped it would be and more. Its amazing how quickly you can fall in love with such a tiny little person. She is perfection in my eyes. Its hard to believe that a week ago she was in my tummy! In hindsight, the 9 months seemed to fly by even though while I was waiting for her it seemed to drag and drag. Life will literally never be the same, and I couldn't be happier! .

Jake meets Alison

I was really looking forward to this. Jake has really been involved in preparing for Ali's arrival. We let him sniff everything coming into the house, inspect all her gifts, explore the crib and stroller, and even poke at my pregnant belly to get him prepared that we would soon have a new little member of the family. We knew he was fantastic with other peoples kids so had little to worry about.

We we arrived home with Alison she was strapped in her car seat. Jake ran right passed me and was eager to say hello. Rob put the car seat on the ground and we bent down to introduce them to each other. As expected her started sniffing and then kissing her wherever he could. To our surprise Ali wasn't bothered in the least. Didn't even seem to notice to be honest.

His tail was going a mile a minute as we took her out of the seat and into her room. I sat in the rocker with her and Jake was able to come sniff out this new visitor.

He has done remarkable well today. The initial excitement has worn off a little but he is already helping me with her. Whenever she starts crying in her room, he will run and find me as if to say "mom go help her!" When I sit and nurse her, he curls up at my feet and even when it was bath time, he sat and watched me clean her up.

He's an incredibly smart dog and I am happy that things are adjusting so well. Alison doesn't appear to be having any reactions to him allergy wise, so it looks like a beautiful friendship is hatching before my very eyes. I really look forward to them growing up together.

Hospital Recovery

The hours following delivery are kind of a blur. There was a whirlwind of excitement and it felt as thought hours passed by in seconds. By 10pm the night she was born I was moved into the maternity wing of the hospital. They only had semi-private rooms available, so I was roomed in with another mother who had given birth the day before.

Visiting hours were over, so shortly after being moved all my company left for the night and I was alone to bond and get to know Alison. We had nurses come in and monitor both of us every 2 hours throughout the night. Ali managed to breastfeed well and then fall asleep at 2am. To my surprise she slept straight through until 7am when Rob returned to the hospital to visit. I didn't get much sleep that night as the adrenaline was still pumping and I was just to excited to be staring at my daughter.

The next day passed quickly as we had a few visitors pop by to say hello. The nurses continued to monitor both of us every 4 hours and the best news I received is that I would likely be able to go home the next day. Unfortunately I didn't know that "going home the next day" was code for "you're in for a miserable night."

As visiting hours drew to a close and nursing staff changed shifts, the new nurse came in to explain all the tests Ali would be put through before she could be discharged. There was a hearing test, a jaundice test and a test that checked for genetic disorders and any potential mental issues. These would be performed throughout the night, which boiled down to no sleep for either of us.

The hearing test was first. As the maternity wing grew quite around midnight they wheeled Ali down the hall to a room and put sensors in her ears. A sound wave was passed through each sensor and it displayed on the monitor whether she passed of failed (obviously passing meaning she was able to hear it). The nurse made my heart race for a few minutes as the test kept coming back "re-test". Apparently they sensor wasn't bouncing off the right part of the ear drum. Eventually it got sorted out and she passed with flying colours!

When we returned to our room, another nurse was waiting to administer the genetic testing. Once again we were wheeled off, but this time was much more invasive. They had to take a small blade and make a puncture wound on the heel of her foot to draw blood. She had to bleed enough to fill up 6 circles completely on a piece of testing paper. It took about 15 minutes and the nurse had to squeeze her heel very hard to keep her bleeding. Lets just say she was not a happy camper. As a new mom, its very difficult to listen to your child scream in pain and know you cant fix it.

They finally finished and we returned to our room again. We had some time, so she was able to nurse and fall asleep in my arms. As I was looking forward to getting some sleep myself I move her to her bassinet only for her to wake moments later. I'd pick her up and she'd stop, put her down and she'd start. There was no way that little lady was sleeping unless it was on mommy. Being that I was in a hospital bed, I obviously couldn't fall asleep while holding her so I had no choice but to battle thought my exhaustion and hold her so she could get some rest.

It didn't matter for long as once again another nurse came in and explained that she would be testing for jaundice. They would now be pricking her OTHER heel and squeezing blood out to fill up a vial. Are you kidding me? This test took about 5 minutes, and you guessed it!, she screamed the entire time. No wonder she didn't want to leave my arms! Every time she is put down someone causes her pain.

8am rolled around and all the tests came back with fantastic news! We could go home! Thank goodness. I was so sick of this place. Before we were to leave there was one more visitor that had to come, the lactation consultant.

The first night Ali nursed she didn't latch properly and although she was able to eat, she left me with giant blisters on both my nipples, which were causing quite a bit of discomfort as I had to continue nursing during our stay.

The wonderful lactation consultant came in and helped to make sure that the she was now latching properly and discussed any concerns I had. She was able to give me a prescription for a cream that would help heal and numb the pain as I continued breastfeeding. I was pleased to hear that Ali was getting tons of milk and that my flow was developing quite well. She expected my full milk to be in by tomorrow. The latch was perfect so at this point we are just powering through the pain until they heal. It should get easier day by day.

By 10am Rob had arrived and we were outta there! It was wonderful to come home as a family and know our new life was just beginning!

Meet Alison!

Minutes old. Cleaned off and getting ready to breastfeed



Fed, weighed, measured and happy. Was fantastic to look into her eyes



36 hours old and getting ready to head home from the hospital




On our way home!



First time at home and so happy to be here

We did it!

Alison Kenzie James made her way into this world at 5:39pm on Monday February 7th 2011. She weighed in at 7 lbs 7 oz and measured 20 and 3/4 inches long.
Shortly after 5pm the 2 nurses who had been with me all day came in and said we were gonna start pushing with each contraction.

With each contraction I took a deep breath and pushed for 10 seconds, took another breath, pushed for 10 and repeated one more time. Her head was visible almost immediately. Rob was able to take a peek around and his response was "oh wow!" because of all the hair she had. I couldn't help but burst out laughing.

At about 530pm, after I had pushed 4-5 times the OB finally arrived. Just in time. He say down with his catchers mitt and with 2 good pushes her head was completely out. He suctioned her mouth and nose and then went on to delivering the shoulders.

She had both her hands up at her shoulders so they actually came through first. With one slight tug she was out and placed on my tummy to be cleaned off. Rob was able to cut the cord and assisted the nurse in towelling her off.

I got a good 5 minutes with her before they took her to get measured, weighed and checked for over all health. My OB delivered the placenta and stitched up the small tear I received during delivery. Everything was such a whirlwind at this point as the enormity of what just happened set in.

My mom, Rob and Dawn were busy snapping away pictures and Alison was screaming her head off. She was not happy to be out of her home for the past 40 weeks. Eventually, after she got wrapped up she began to settle down.

After everything was cleaned up, Rob's parents arrived and Ali got to meet everyone. Its hard to say who she resembles at this point, although I do think she has Rob's eyes and it appears she may have strawberry blonde hair like me. Time will tell.

Pictures to be posted soon!

Drugs are a girls best friend

Overnight my contractions didn't increase much in intensity so come 8am, my regular OB arrived to check my cervix. I was 2 cm dilated but the baby's head had dropped down and re-sealed my water, which is why labour wasn't progressing.

He used his handy tool and ruptured my membranes, which came gushing out. They then started me on an Oxytocin drip which would cause contractions.

Throughout the rest of the morning the contractions did increase in strength and length. A nurse came in every 30 minutes to increase the amount of medication entering my system. Around 11am there was definitely a change in pain. I found it difficult to talk and all I could focus on was getting through the 30 second contraction.

I moved from the bed to a gliding rocking chair to help things along. As the pain increased the nurse asked if I wanted to sit in a hot bath. I had heard how much this can help with managing pain so I jumped at the chance. She checked my cervix first. I was at 4cm, and then I hopped into the tub. There was immediate relief sitting in the piping hot water. It was still painful but a little easier to breathe through.

As the water began to cool the story changed. It took all my focus to get through a contraction. Around 2:30pm I decided to get out of the tub and head back to the room. I was desperate for some medication.

The nice nurse (Lisa) paged the anestheologist. As I lay on the bed the pain became intense. My mom was by my side and I was squeezing her hand so hard the rings left an imprint. I couldn't open my eyes and could barely breathe. Half an hour later the drug doctor finally arrived.

They had me sit on the edge of the bed cuddling a pillow and between contractions he mapped out the proper location on my back. First he used a local freezing to numb the injection site, and then inserted the needle. I felt a little pain and what felt like a surge of electricity shoot down my left leg making it kick straight out. The whole process took about 10 mins from start to finish and from there took about another 20 mins before I felt no pain. What a relief!

The nurses re-hooked up all the monitors and got me settled in bed. Shortly after I mentioned to the nurse that I felt a little pressure in my rectum area. She went ahead and did another exam to check dilation. A shocked look came over her face and I asked what was wrong. She told me I was fully dilated. I had gone from 4cm to 10cm in just over an hour and the pressure I was feeling was the baby's head. She was so impressed! No wonder I was in so much pain, I had basically dilated the entire way without any pain medication.

So that's where I'm at right now. We are awaiting the ob's arrival so we can start the pushing process and meet our sweet baby James.

Water Works

I'm writing this blog entry as I lay in the hospital's labour and delivery ward. This afternoon at 1pm, Rob and I were leaving the vet's office after Jake got his booster shots when I suddenly felt incredibly damp. Not entirely sure if it was my water breaking or not we made our way home.

At home it became clear that it was indeed my water. There was no huge gush like you see in the movies but instead a constant little trickle. I was having very mild contractions that didn't hurt at all. Not sure if we should go to the hospital I called the birthing dept and they rattled off a questionnaire. After about 5 minutes, the charge nurse concluded that we should come in to be examined and make sure it was indeed amniotic fluid.

We grabbed a bite to eat and made our way to the hospital around 3pm. Once we arrived they hooked me up to monitors to track the baby's heartbeat and my contractions. Contractions we're coming every 5 minutes but because I wasn't doubling over in pain they didn't consider it "active" labour.

After about 30 minute the on-call ob made his way to the hospital and started the exam. They took a swab from inside and because it turned from yellow to blue, it confirmed that the leak was amniotic fluid.

Since contractions weren't that painful, I was told to get up and walk around to help things along. Rob and I spent the next few hours walking the halls, checking back in every hour to monitor the baby's heartbeat.

Around 6pm the doctors completed shift change and the new on-call OB told the nurses that since my water was broken and I was having mild contractions I was to be admitted. We got moved to a private birthing suite and got settled in.

I am the only patient in labour and delivery currently so they gave us the "Cadillac of birthing suites" . Its the size of 3 other suites put together and has wall to wall windows on 2 sides. Its a huge corner unit with a great view.

Rob and I have made calls to the family members that will be making their way to the hospital eventually and told them its still going to be several hours before anything happens so not to rush here. The only person who has arrived is my good friend Dawn because she had to travel in from Toronto.

Its going on 11pm now and the contractions are getting closer together and stronger but I'm still not in much pain. The nurses are encouraging me to get some sleep, and by encouraging I mean offering me a sleeping pill every 30 minutes. I understand that I will need to get some rest to have energy for the rest of labour and the delivery, but since I'm not in pain I'd rather not take any sleeping pills.

They have wheeled 2 other beds into the room for Dawn and Rob and provided pillows and heated blankets. The nurses keep asking if there is anything else we needed like snacks or more pillows. Its like a really nice 5 star hotel. I gotta say I am impressed.

Here's hoping the contractions get stronger soon!

Due Date - 40 Weeks!

We made it! Its officially my due date. The baby is full term and gearing up to make her appearance any day now. Unfortunately most first time mom's go overdue. I was hoping to escape this reality, but it she doesn't look like she is making any effort to come out today. Hopefully it won't be to much longer!

39 week check-in

I had my 39 week appointment with the OB today. Upon arrival we find out that he had just been called out of the office to deliver another baby. Because I was so close to my due date we had to wait for him to return, along with 4 other 39 week pregnant women.

While waiting, the nurse checked my normal stats. Blood pressure was fine and I had gained 4 lbs this week. I guess the baby is finally putting on some weight to keep herself warm when she arrives. The nurse informed us that when the OB arrives he would be checking my cervix for dilation.

2 hours after our appointment time he arrived back in the office. While waiting Rob had noticed an autographed Yzerman jersey that the OB had hanging on his office wall and so he asked him about it. That turned into a full-blown hockey chat about favourite players and teams and as I lay on the exam table, naked from the waist down covered only by a sheet and all I could think was "Seriously! You're discussing hockey now? ". The OB carried on the hockey conversation with Rob for a good 10 mins while examining me. It was very strange being examined and feeling invisible at the same time. I'm glad that Rob and the doctor get along, but you kinda want the OB to focus on what he's doing while he's poking around your lady parts.

He checked the baby's heartbeat, which was a strong 146 bpm, and then checked my cervix. He, as well as a few friends, had warned me that this part could be quite painful but it didn't seem that bad for me. Just a little uncomfortable. Unfortunately, my cervix was still closed up tight. He mentioned that its really no indication of what's to come because some people can walk around for weeks 3cm dilated before they go into labour, and other women can be closed up tight at lunch time and have their water break and deliver a baby before bedtime the same day. I sure hope I can be one of those people.

So we have another appointment scheduled for next week and if at that point there is no action he will start discussing plans for inducing labour. He won't induce until I'm over 7 days past my due date just because due dates can be off by a week or so and they don't want to have any unnecessary medical intervention if they can help it.

So once again, there is nothing to do but wait and enjoy my last few uneventful days.

Reflections on this crazy journey

Now that I'm officially in week 39 of my pregnancy, I've started reflecting back about the things I'm going to miss when I'm no longer pregnant and all the things I look forward to getting back to. There have been a lot of ups and a few downs on this incredible journey and the fact that I'm really the first of any of my friends to experience pregnancy has made it all the more eye-opening.

I'll start with the things I'm going to really miss:

1. Feeling her move around in my tummy - I truly love just sitting down and feeling her kick and roll around. Its fascinating how she went from these little nudges that only I could feel, to these huge rolling movements that make my entire belly look as though its going to burst. There were several times when I would wonder if she would grow up to be a gymnast or kickboxer the way she flailed about. She has always been particularly energetic at nighttime, and I really love laying in bed with Rob's hand and my hand on my tummy feeling her move before we sleep. She also has the hiccups twice a day every day. I love feeling that. I really enjoyed that my family (Mom, mother-in--law, father-in-law, grandmother) were able feel her move on a few occasions. Its so fantastic being able to share that with them.

2. Being able to eat what I want, guilt free. This is definitely one of the perks. As someone who has had to watch what they eat for as long as I can remember, I was so happy that the pregnancy gods smiled upon me and allowed me to enjoy 9 months of freedom with limited weight gain. I honestly worried a little that I would be the woman who gained 60lbs while pregnant despite eating only fruit and salad. I luckily did not have to change my diet. I continued to eat regular food and absolutely gave into cravings when they hit. Whether it be chicken wings, banana splits or shortbread cookies, I enjoyed every single bite. No one is as surprised as I am that I only gained 10 lbs throughout the entire pregnancy. I'm sure certain body parts will require tightening up after all is said and done, but I'm very thankful that I won't need to drop drastic amounts of weight to get back to my pre-pregnancy shape.

3. Fantastic skin, nails and hair. This has to be the only benefit of pregnancy hormones. I've struggled with my acne-prone skin since I hit puberty, but during pregnancy my skin seemed to clear up on its own. I've had a few break-outs here and there, but for the most part my skin was (as they say) glowing. I hear that this positive benefit may even continue after pregnancy, so fingers crossed for that! My hair also grew at great lengths and became thicker and softer. The one thing that surprised me the most was my nails. I've been a nail biter since I was a young girl, but during that first and third trimester I finally quit. No idea how or why, but I have a full set of long, strong and beautiful nails. I really hope I can keep this up after I deliver because I've been trying to quit biting them for years!

4. Being able to sleep in. Everyone I run into has told me time and time again "I hope you're getting sleep now because you won't get any after the baby arrives". I couldn't tell you how often I hear this comment. I've always been a night owl. My perfect day runs from about 10am to 2am. I know that things are about to change. My peaceful lazy mornings will soon be filled with feedings and diaper changes. Then after that she'll be up wanting to play at the crack of dawn. (Why do kids love mornings to much anyways?) So these last few weeks I've really been embracing the fact that I can sleep in til any hour I choose. Man, I'm really going to miss this one!

5. My comfy maternity dress pants that I wore everywhere! Last but not least on my list are my grey dress pants. I received these pants second hand from my friend Kelly who has finished having kids and once they were on, I fell in love. Not only do they look great, but the belly band was so freaking comfortable. I struggled the first few months and experimented with other maternity pants. I bought jeans, tried on khakis and even attempted a few skirts, but nothing, nothing, compared to these pants. Not sure if you noticed, but in almost every single baby belly photo I took, I was wearing these pants. They literally came off my body, went in the wash, and were back on the next day. Such fantastic pants!


Although I really do love being pregnant, I'd be lying if I said there weren't a few things that I am looking forward to about no longer being with child.

1. Not having to pee every 20 minutes. This one is pretty self explanatory, but probably close to tops on my list of what I can't wait for! Being able to make it though an entire tv show, or travel in the car without having to stop at random gas stations and coffee shops will be blissful. Heck, I've had to go twice already while writing this blog.

2. Sleeping on my stomach. You've heard me complain about this a few times throughout pregnancy. I honestly cannot wait to get back to this oh so comfortable position. Not having to toss and turn or take 5 minutes to roll over will be amazing. Being able to just flop into bed, or cuddle without a giant belly getting in the way brings a smile to my face. Granted I likely won't be getting much sleep once she arrives, but at least the sleep I will be getting will be in a position I'm actually comfortable in.

3. Being able to wear "normal" clothes. These last few weeks I have caught myself daydreaming about my old wardrobe. How amazing it will be to be able to wear just jeans and t-shirt again. Pants that actually have buttons and not an elastic waist. High heels, dresses, skirts, dress shirts with buttons, winter boots with a heel, and my red winter pea coat. I'll finally have more than 5 shirts and 2 pairs of pants to choose from. Granted everything will soon be covered in baby spit, but at least I'll look good cleaning it off.

4. Wine. Need I say more?

5. Watching my little peanut grow and learn and experience this big ole world. Obviously this one takes the cake. The reward for 40 weeks of hard work will soon be here. I can't help but smile when I think about her learning to smile, or saying her first word, or learning to read, or watching her interact and love Jake as her big furry brother. Seeing her grandparents spoil her rotten, and looking at her and seeing parts of myself in that sweet little face. I know she will grow and push my buttons and get into trouble from time to time, but all those little moments are the memories that will last a lifetime. They say time flies and that kids grew up before you know it, so I hope I can remember to slow down and embrace every moment.

38 Week Photo

I'm starting to think she is far too comfortable inside to wanna come out. Here is hoping this is the last of the belly photos. I'm getting excited to meet her!

Pop goes the rib

I woke up Thursday morning in a lot of pain. I could barely roll over and every breath felt like someone was twisting a knife in my right lung. It wasn't labour pains but instead a radiating pain coming from my rib cage. On the outside there was a distinct bump and it was very tender to the touch.

I finally made it out of bed and spent the rest of the day barely moving. Unfortunately I had a cold at the time and any attempt to blow my nose or cough was met with wince inducing pain. I figured the baby just had a foot lodged under my rib cage or something and hoped that she would move it soon.

I woke up the next morning and it was still very sore but a little less painful than the day before. I could move around easier, but the bump was still protruding. That evening Jake tipped over his box of toys, spilling them all over the living room floor. I dragged my butt off the couch and attempted to pick them up. As soon as I bent over I heard a very distinct POPPING noise and immediately felt relief. I could breathe! I could move! I checked my rib cage and the bump was gone.

It turns out the baby had managed to pop out one of my ribs! I'm very thankful that it popped back in because I couldn't imagine having to push the baby out with a rib out of place. That would have been excruciating! I'll say one thing, I'm certainly ready for her to make her appearance. . She is one feisty little girl!

Car Seat Chaos

There is no argument. A car seat is necessary for the safety of your baby. As an infant, up to 22 lbs and 1 year of age, the baby rides in a rear-facing car seat so that if an accident does occur the baby doesn't suffer as much trauma to the spinal cord and neck area.

Rob and I installed the car seat and base into the car last week following the manufacturers instructions. We made sure everything was strapped down and that the seat couldn't possibly move an inch in any direction. We took turns crawling into the seat while the other person tightened the straps down even more.

Unfortunately, TV and all the baby magazines and websites stress the fact that despite the best of intentions, 95% of all car seats are installed incorrectly or not tight enough. What these publications fail to tell you, is where or how to get help with this problem.

I know that in past years I've heard of car seat clinics taking place where you can show up on the date and the fire department or police will inspect your car seat, but where are those clinics now? I decided to do some research.

I called the public health unit and after being passed around through various people I was put in contact with a gentleman who explained that they USED to inspect car seats but unfortunately no longer do. Although he does have a DVD that I may find helpful. Really? A DVD? If I don't feel entirely confident after installing it according to the manufacturers instructions how was watching a DVD going to help? I passed.

Next I called the local fire department and got a similar story. They used to do inspections, but no longer do. Following that, I called the local police department. Again, they couldn't help me.

Out of options, I contacted the instructor from our pre-natal classes thinking she might have a contact that I am unaware of. She called around to local businesses and finally got a hit with the OPP. They do still run car seat clinics, but they weren't sure when the next one was. They gave me a contact number for an officer out of a smaller community office. I have contacted her and am currently waiting for a call back.

You would think that with how important car-seat safety is there would be more public awareness on how to get help with installation. I'm a little disappointed that there seems to be little to no options available for soon-to-be parents. At this point I guess we just have to trust that we have installed it correctly and hopefully the officer from the community office will return my call and have a solution.

37 weeks - OB visit

I had my weekly visit with my OB this morning. The visit was fairly routine. The baby's heartbeat was a strong and fast 154 bpm and my fundal height was right on track at 37 weeks. I did get 2 pieces of good news this week. My strep test that they took last week came back negative, which means I won't need IV antibiotics when I go into labour, and when they weighed me, I had actually LOST 2 lbs.

The weight loss is a really positive sign that labour could start any day. Pregnant women commonly lose 1-3 lbs the week before labour begins because the body starts ridding itself of access fluid that is has been storing. You lose this fluid through sweating and increased urination. Given that I've felt like a furnace the last few days and I can't go an hour without visiting the ladies room, I'd say its fairly safe to attribute the weight loss to the depleting fluid levels.

I have another appointment set for next week, but my fingers are crossed that the baby arrives before my next visit. A close friend of mine is predicting a January 22nd birth, so I guess in a few days we will find out if he really does have psychic abilities.

Stranger danger

Although i've been lucky enough to avoid the dreaded pregnancy act of strangers approaching and touching your belly without asking, no one warned me about the 9th month guessing game....

Ever since it has become clear that I'm about to burst and have this baby at any minute (aka the last 2-3 weeks), everywhere I go random strangers approach me to tell me their delivery stories. Actually, its may not even be their story, but they knew someone who knew someone whose cousin had a crazy delivery story and apparently they need to share it.

The other day while at the check out at Zellers, the woman in front of me (who was holding up the line by buying an item without a price tag on it) breaks into baby conversation by asking me when I'm due. This part, along with "do you know what you're having?" I don't mind at all. I enjoy sharing that information. After I answered "3 weeks", she ran with the conversation, saying when she was pregnant she gained 65 lbs and it was the hardest thing to try and lose all the weight after. And then the cashier joins in by saying "I bet your baby will be huge. At least 10 lbs. Is it a boy or a girl?". I answer girl, and she continues telling all these stories about women she knew whose doctors have told them girl girl girl and it came out a boy and that she would put money on the fact that I'm actually carrying a boy. At this point all I'm thinking is, why do people think its ok to talk to pregnant women like this? You don't even know me!

Today at the mall it happened again. Every cashier I had to deal with told me a story about a friend of their friend whose baby was 3 weeks early, or 2 weeks late, or born tramatically, or had to be rushed off to the nicu, or they had to have an emergency c-section because the baby's heart rate dropped........ What are they thinking?

A word of advice to the people out there who feel the need to share their stories.... Stop sharing them with women who are about to give birth! Its not nice to tell a complete stranger that their baby will be ginormous, or the opposite sex then what they've been told. Trust me, we worry about these things enough as it is, we don't need your terrible tales added to our thoughts.

Looks like the only way to really avoid this pitfall of stranger danger is to stay home as much as possible once things start nearing the end.

36 Weeks and ready to pop!

These are the 36 week along photos. She seems to have grown a lot over the last two weeks. My belly is starting to get corners, when she pokes out a knee or foot. I'm beginning to believe the people who are saying there is a 9 lb baby in there!

36 Week Check In

I met with my OB on Tuesday and from now on I will be seeing him weekly until the baby comes. The visit was fairly routine. Blood pressure, urine analysis, and weight check. I have gained another 2 lbs, making my total 12 lbs for the entire pregnancy.

He examined the baby and I'm measuring 36 weeks and her heartbeat was 137 bpm, strong and steady. She is still head down and has dropped into the pubic bones making her "engaged", meaning she's getting ready to pop out.

Since we are so close to delivery, he did a swap test for Group B Streptococcus, which is a bacteria that is very common in women. 15-40% of women carry the bacteria, but when you are pregnant that bacteria can be passed onto the baby during birth. Doctor's test for it around the 36 week mark and if your results are positive then you are hooked up to antibiotics when your labour starts or your water breaks so that the baby won't get it. It is pointless to give antibiotics before labour begins since even with treatment the bacteria often has time to re-grow before labour starts.

The test was just a simple and pain-free swap and my OB so kindly said that unfortunately that is the least painful thing that will occur from here to the end of the birth.

I asked when he would be checking for dilation and effacement and he said because it is such a painful experience and there is really no benefit to checking early, he won't check that until the last week before my due date. Fine by me. Lets keep the pain to a minimum!

Reflexology Relief

Having been suffering from some pretty bad headaches and horrible hip pain for the last few days, a friend of mine saw my posts on Facebook and offered to help. She is a licensed Reflexologist and informed me that an hour long session could help relieve some of the pain I'm experiencing. Given that I have barely slept lately because of the pain I didn't have anything to lose, so I booked an appointment.

I did some research before the appointment and actually found out that sometimes reflexology can help naturally induce labour. I'm not trying to rush the baby out but definitely wouldn't mind meeting her sooner rather than later. I was excited.

The session was fantastic. An hour of someone rubbing and pressing on my sore feet felt amazing. It was very interesting when she explained which areas of the foot corresponded to the different parts of the body. Anywhere that was sore when she pressed on it, was because there is a blockage of energy or just general stress. I was pretty relaxed overall but the painful spots according to my feet were my hips, my shoulders and my uterus. How accurate! Results (pain relief) generally happen fairly quickly but can take up to 24-48 hrs.

I felt better almost instantly and had the best night of sleep that I have had in awhile. My hips are a lot less painful, and although I still have headaches (hormone related) they are to a lesser degree than before.

As for inducing labour, nothing. Or at least nothing yet. It was of interest to me that while she was pressing on areas like tummy, ribs, uterus, etc, (through my feet), the baby's movement did increase. She was kicking up a storm.

Even though it didn't induce labour it was nice to get out of the house and pamper myself. I know my days of "taking alone time" are numbered, at least for awhile, so I'm taking advantage. Only 3 more weeks to go!

Let the countdown begin.....

Ok, so technically I've been counting down for the last, oooo 35 weeks, but now we are only a month away from the due date! It seems like it has taken forever to get here, yet flown by so quickly at the same time. I find it hard to wrap my head around the fact that in a month or less I will be holding a life that we created. We'll be completely responsible for raising this mini-me and starting them off on the right track in life. I've thought about this moment for years and even at this point the magnitude of whats about to happen boggles my mind.

Being this close makes me wonder if every odd twinge or movement is going to lead into labour. Will my water break when I'm at the grocery store or having dinner with friends? Will I end up having contractions the day we head out of town for something? The month of January has us sticking very close to home, or at least not traveling more than an hour from the hospital. The OB has told me that it could happen at "anytime" which is exciting but also very vague. As a person who likes to plan things, the sitting around and waiting is excruciating. Its also become a lot more difficult to shut my brain off at night and actually sleep. A lot of unknowns lay ahead of me.

First of all there is the pain factor... I mean, its pretty obvious that labour and delivery itself are gonna hurt. How could it not? But to what degree? I was reading an article sent to me from babycentre.ca about what women didn't expect during labour and there were some who wrote "it hurt far less than I expected" and others who wrote "hitting yourself with a hammer for an hour is uncomfortable, but hitting yourself with a hammer for 15 hours makes you delirious"... (Note to future pregnant women, don't read these articles!)So I guess it ultimately depends on the baby's size/position as well as the mother's pain tolerance. Unfortunately for me, the baby has stolen any pain tolerance I once had. I know this because during my second trimester I cried while having my eyebrows waxed because it hurt so badly. For a normally tough chick, that was a point of humiliation.

I know there are ways of dealing with the pain, and by that we get into the great epidural debate. For the last month or so everyone has had an opinion on epidurals. Its tough to escape that conversation. There are those who had it and loved it, those who had it and hated it, those who wished they had had it and those who have had children with and without pain medication and say its a personal matter. Over the last nine months I've gone back and forth, almost daily, as to whether I'll join the bands of women who go for the pain free delivery.

The prenatal classes we attended were pretty big on anti-drug delivery and provided a long list of reasons why its better for baby. They almost guilt you into it. "You want the best possible start to life for your baby, don't you?" Research and videos they showed us back their arguments, but when it comes down to it, they aren't the one who is pushing out the baby. On the other side of the scale there is the thought that if you go for the epidural, the birth process will be less traumatic/stressful on the mother and a much more enjoyable experience overall.

Really, its going to be a decision that is made in the heat of the moment. Heck, for all I know my labour might progress so quickly that I won't even have the option of having an epidural. I guess we'll just wait and see.